hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
