i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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