I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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