So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
