Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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