If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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