now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
