My cat gives me a boner
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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