did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
thus making me awesome and them whores
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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