It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Who died my cat blue again?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
