i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
