Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
