I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
