Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
