You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
