is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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