is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
