Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
