Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I look better un-naked...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
