new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
