Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
