i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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