You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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