she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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