haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
