come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
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You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
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My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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