i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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