I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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