I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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