i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
