Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Randomize
