Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Let's get the cat blown out
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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