My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
