friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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