'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
