I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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