The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
