He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
