just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
