i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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