Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My vagina just recognized that song.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
