I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
