I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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