Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I did not marry a roomba.
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