I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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