So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
