he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
