omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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