Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize