I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
