He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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