I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
