The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
