Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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