I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
