Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
