We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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