Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
