When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
