I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
