Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
