You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
