Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
