Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
