my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
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i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
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Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?