his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
