made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
