her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
