She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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