My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
