So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
