He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
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Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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