I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
