Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
