In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We don't watch enough power rangers
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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