you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
