You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
